This is Gross and Funny, Be Warned

This is not about me
This is not about me

If it were about me I would totally fess up to it. Since the story was
told to me in confidance I will not reveal names. Perhaps the person
will read this and add his own comment to self identify. The story is
just too good to not be retold.

Many people I meet on the road who are fellow travelers are also
athletes of some kind. Some are triathletes, rock climbers, swimmers,
martial artists, cyclist, etc. When we have a chance to participate in
our sport in another country it is a special treat. This story is
about a fellow traveler athlete as he told me the story. We will call
him Alex (sorry zanderman nothing personal).

After searching for weeks he finally found a gym with a practice
session that fit his schedule. Alex had not been feeling well as there
was a flu going around but he felt well enough for a quick workout
session with the group. Shortly after starting practice, he had to
appologize to the coach and excuse himself. He ran to the bathroom to
enjoy an exposive bout of diarreah. He return to practice but was
struck again by montezuma. By the third time the coach was concerned.
Alex explained he had just eaten and had been sick for three days.
This earned Alex a ride home after practice. If you think it is funny
now, just wait there is so much more.

Alex's first trip resulted in a disturbing discovery. After dropping
his pants and having an assplosion (neologism-credit = ->me) the likes
of which will never be fully washed from their basin, Alex reached for
the toilet paper.

***As an aside to those of you traveling to other countries. Never
take the presence or use or toilet paper for granted. Bring your own
or know and be comfortable with the local customs.***

You guessed it. Alex is siting there, backside covered in the sticky
brown of yesterdays lunch and nothing to wipe with but his pants or
what he was born with. Never fear, there was a sink next to the toilet
with running water. Alex chose the best course of action he could
think of. Wipe, rinse, repeat, Pheobe would have been proud (reference
Friends tv show, the shampoo song). In his mind everything would be
ok. He had retreated to his happy place. There was light at the end of
the tunnel, his hands were easier to clean than his pants. This would
have totally been the case too, if there had been any soap, or at
least a towel. Seeing as there were neither, a fact he noticed after
his hand was covered in feces, he had only warm running water to
finish up with.

Don't forget folks he went THREE times during practice. Let's just
hope he did not shake hands with the coach afterwards.

Based on the way he told the story, I'm pretty sure he used his right
hand (he would not confess that detail). If you notice me calling
someone lefty, you know who he is and what he did.

-Dana